I just show the pretty picture

not muted bursts … or
me succumbing to the proxy of alcohol
days of … fetal position

your name echoes in sacred darkness
you stab my captive mind

I just show the pretty picture

through zombied haze
& anesthetized stare
a necessity … for moving forward
playing our game

I don’t want to miss anyone
I don’t want to need anyone
I do not like this … hunger

I just show the pretty picture

it’s good you don’t see me this way
that you don’t see me this way

I just show the pretty picture

in my strength …

I am weak
for you

I transcend …
this veneer …
of … me
FUCK

(for … affection)
i. am. hungry.
FUCK.
you.

it is not … a pretty picture©

Staying Beyond Redemption -

LA (Los Angeles)?

what i see

gaunt faces
dirtied dreams
spoiled … soiled … beings

shopping cart abodes with garbage bag roofs

amber urine paints hot pavements in Rorschach patterns
(i see … what you once were)

body stench … flowers on bus seats

shoe-less feet the color of asphalt
“want me to massage your feet”?
He asks at the bus-stop.

before an insouciant crowd …
HE … they … ransack trash …
for food …
&
devour …
your cum

LIQUOR stores … everywhere … LIQUOR stores & fried chicken & FRIED … people.

SHE …
you do not see her eyes anymore …
just-through-them
trapped gossamer gazes

LA.streets.strip.PRETENSE.in.a.city.
of.PRETENSE

ersatz persons …
devolved from …
the ethic of pretension

a rich overcast of defeat & loneliness

a golden state … fool’s gold

salaciously FLAUNTING …
what you …
NEVER
will
have

NEV-VAH©

This realm …
makes me &
you &
you …
brave & courageous &
graciously … divine.

As we
define ‘it’ …
shadow ‘it’
&
EXIST …
in ‘its’
folds & textures & nuance.

WARRIORS …
we-are!

What-is-bravery?

BUT …

just …
to
BREATHE
everyday
in
hell.©

At times …

it will appear that …
I’m trying to save you …
but perhaps …
I am saving me.

The drug of illusion …
informs …
eyes that never close

I need a muse …
and …
a moment.©

“Even the most absolute silence …
is capable of containing …
a perfect note.”
(The blind character in the Spanish movie, ‘FUGA’).

cover the path
from which you came
sweep footprints with Bank

denounce the “others”
boot-strapless-ones
who lack your skillz (?) …
the ability to swallow doppelganger cum

put them … in.their.place
not near …
your transcendent self

sway on your fractured pedestal
gossamer gazes uphold you
see the you of you’s
forbidden fruit - strange fruit
… low-hanging … fruit
you cannot erase away BLACKNESS

guise it in ephemeral fame
exploited
till dry
till you have no more
till the “crack drug”
of being an expedient
someone else
suffocates …
you

in this “place”
this is no
exchange for …
human …
you©

Once upon a time …

There was you and I …
in distant …
non-distant spaces.

We’d gaze wistfully at the same beckoning moon … and
serene curls of water …
a cri de coeur to open sky;

desiring
the nourishment of … another.

Quiet … yet LOUDLY,
we seek:
what could be
what will be
out of the depth …
of our storied thoughts …
sculling … dreams.

You reach across to touch lightly my face.
WAIT!
Oops.
We’ve not met each other yet.?

So …
we set out (separately) …
you and I
keyboard Magellan’s we,
engaged at times …
in Sisyphean feats …
evolving clarity by subtraction until …
we find our magical partner(s).

I am an ugly duckling made Swan from life’s vagaries;
a self … engraved.

We are all in some transformative state of …
‘ugly duckling-ism.’

Out of the soil of me …
life …
BLOOMS.

I am … a Fairy Tale.

Anything can happen!

Anything

and …
everything …
with … you?©

Be...

For my brother …
LOUIS aka Chew Chew

PINK RATS

He unfurled his fist …
cautiously …
slowly …
to thoughtfully …
methodically …
let-me-in.
(even I cannot be fully trusted in this …
his un-holy hell)

Falstaffian with a barely bridled rage …
I’ll NEVER know …
(I have a ‘saving’ vagina?)
He spits about the ‘Pink Rats.’

I dated a sailor … a civilian mariner … a white man …
who boldly told me …
he did not like … Black men!
(En Vino et Veritas)
as he sought to cheapen Black women … with his poisoned dick.
(Not I)!

Chew … hates WHITE MEN …
he sees them as they are …
exposed to him …
and those of hue.
cruel.
jealous.
immoral.
DEVILS.

As Chew spits …
ironically …
he tucks the ‘white’ …
filtered gun …
serenely …
between his lips.
HE loads …
the match
and …
pulls-in-the-poison …
to eventually …
smother-his-breath …
and put out
his righteous RAGE

Fucking...

My daddy is … dying
a slow death
a slow death
of spirit … of spirit
of body
of mind … of mind

And I, the
his forever little grrl
bear witness to …
the

Falstaffian demise
of
this
now …
familiar … stranger.

He sits in muted …
paleness
of what he once was.

A nonexistent hand …
of his GREAT power
OVER me.

I relive with him … wrinkled memories …
from his childhood
that safe-unsafe haven
he goes back to …
crouching in gray recess …
from the monster … of
dementia.

He speaks with vivid recall of a riverbank …
HIS grandmother’s mother …
dressed neat but severely in the daily uniform - a long cotton functional skirt, dark in color … the garb of a sharecropper … swishing against long grasses … warning him of hidden poisonous snakes … as they fished … seemingly without care (for once) … for the days meal.
“Louis (or LC as they called him) watch out for dem snakes” … he says now …...

when my mind wants a comfortable chair … it goes to you …
U R … my muse

He rises
He rises …
with determination …
his lanky body
escapes …

the bed

In habitual rhythm …
he steps to the kitchen …
crashes the scooper
twice …
into the grounds of coffee …

He then showers …
the aberrations of night … away

The first coffee of the day is …
always … black … strong …
thereafter
mellowed -
unlike … his evolving mood.

In these hours …
before work
he acknowledges his demons
to start fresh his new day.

His thoughts …
focus … in necessary simplicity
on tasks … and completion … at first.

Residual survival … girdles his life.
“Clarity by subtraction.”

THEN …
then …
his FLOWERS …
touched with roughen fingers … in unconditional LOVE/nurturance/attention

BUT
but …
not? …
me?
when my mind wanted a comfortable chair … it went to you … U WERE … my … muse

Time did …...